The road is long, with many a winding turn, that leads us to who knows where, who knows where…well lets hope its not the Europa League qualifiers thats where not…

So just like the Hollies crooned, Neil Lennon is our brother and like all family members I trust him wholeheartedly. Forget all that Celtic Globetrotters nonsense in the US of A, this is the real deal and tonight we will see the beginning of the Celtic revolution. Or will we?

I’m praying this game hasn’t come too early for the bhoys because lets be honest I doubt the starting eleven tonight will have even all played together at once pre-season! How much this will affect proceedings time will tell but I have a nagging feeling it was a mistake to not have tonights team or as close as possible to tonights team take the field against the evil geniuses Lincoln City at the weekend. Will we really see Gary Hooper climb out of a green & white phone box with a number 88 on his cape for his Celtic debut? I doubt it. It’s more the defence I’m worried about anyway to be completely honest with you. Mulgrew and Du Ri seem to be favorites to start in the full-back rolls in their first competitive game for the Hoops and a likely partnership of Hooiveld and Rogne or Loovens in the middle. With the new bhoys unproven at full back and the centre not exactly a brick wall this has me slightly worried and really wanting to smack Sol Campbell square in the gub. Never even kept us in the loop since he had his tour of Paradise…enjoy the grayness of Newcastle ya bawbag.

Like I say though in Lennon I trust and it wouldn’t really matter who the manager was this game was always going to come too early for the club really. It’s impossible to get all the players in that you want in such a short period of time and the big names are always more protracted in their dealings as they fish out the best offer. This I don’t mind but for the likes of Campbell to show such disrespect is uncalled for, I now wish him only bad things for this coming season. Likewise it would have been better to have Bellamy in the team now rather than later but thats the way it goes. Yes Diary/Lord of the Wing I’m still whistling that tune on my penny whistle. We shall see my friend we shall see.

There is also the Hinkel/McGeady debate of should they or shouldn’t they play. As two of our more consistent performers and arguably better players many would like to see them in the side no matter the repercussions. I have to say though if it meant losing out on in the region of £10 or £12 million in combined transfer fee’s because they were cup-tied then I have to admit I would leave them out. Am I the only Celtic fan that thinks Herr Hinkel isn’t the player he’s made out to be? Time will tell if Cha Du Ri will be an able replacement but I doubt he was purchased as back up. Meanwhile Braga are a club the press are telling us are in some turmoil and upheaval which is code for they’re really gawna stick the knives into Lennon if we fall at the first hurdle like a Shetland Pony at the Grand National. Lets not forget Braga had one of the best home records in Europe last season and any result that still leaves us with a fighting chance at Celtic Park will do me. The atmosphere in Paradise will be there to carry us through in the return leg I have no doubt about that.

Unfortunately for me I’ll be in work tonight on the dreaded backshift, relying on twitter (in the one tiny corner where you can pick up Edge for 12 seconds) or text messages (that always end up being an incoming text alert that makes your heart flutter only for it to be from somebody wanting to tell you about anything else other than fitba) for updates as I prowl the factory floor like a madman while trying to do a good impression of a dedicated employee. Can’t even get a radio reception in the place, its like being in Airdrie or some other backward hell hole where technology is scoffed at as a fantastical idea portrayed by the Jetsons.

I can tell that none of you could care less about me though and neither you should for tonight is about one team and one man with ginger hair in the image of God himself. Step forward Neil Lennon its time to light the fuse on the new season.

His welfare is of my concern, no burden is he to bear, we’ll get there…is how the song goes and all being right in the world we will. Just don’t panic!!!

Harper

With any luck, this will be my last free summer to do anything and nothing. As a result, the big task on the infamous to-do-list was to get my driver’s license. I went to check out different driving schools a bit late into my summer vacation and the earliest time to schedule a driving test was all the way in late July. Hence, my lessons have been scheduled near this date.

Lesson 1 Monday July 19
We started practicing hand positioning for turning and then foot positioning for breaking and accelerating. Then a brief tutorial on how to use the mirrors and then off we went. At first it was all right turns to stay out of the way of oncoming traffic. One big mistake that would have failed me if this was the test was that I stopped too much while turning on a green light. Another thing is that I still have yet to get the feel of making a turn after a complete stop, because I either put too much gas or turn too early. Then came left turns, and he had to make major use of his side of the break pedal, because at times I was going too fast for the turn. When I started to get a hang of the whole thing, my time was up. So until tomorrow…

One funny note: He was like I was doing so well for a beginner and being so young, and then he asked if I was 18 yet. I started laughing and was like yeah….and then he was like oh. Ahaha. So I guess I wasn’t doing that well afterall..

  • Advice of the Day: Start with your hands between the 2-10 and 3-9 position. When making a right turn, for example, start with your left hand pushing the wheel right and when you get to the 12-6 position, lift your right hand and bring it to the 12 position. When you complete the turn your hands should be back to the initial position and the wheel should be turned roughly 3/4 of a complete circle. Once the turn is made, do the opposite procedure beginning with your right hand so that you end up straight again. Don’t ever let your hands get tangled up!

Lesson 2 Tuesday July 20
This time there were so many times when I didn’t see pedestrians and didn’t break for them. Damn imagine all the points being deducted if it were the test…..he had to slam the breaks for me so many times. As for my problem with turning, I’m still slowing down too much and find myself pressing the gas too much to compensate once I made the turn. And then also coming from full stop to add gas for a turn…. I worry sometimes maybe I add too fast and not turn enough. It’s getting better, but I still need to relax a lot more and not me as stiff.

I do think my crazy ordeal a few years ago is still shadowing over me. That time I was in a parking lot driving around with the family in the car and my dad told me to stop, but instead I pressed the gas pedal. That scared everyone and, as a result, I haven’t had the courage to get behind the wheel since. Now…. I’m really conscience and cautious of how much I press the gas pedal. Been going a steady 20-25 with cars piling up behind me. If it’s a long straightaway, though not often, I’ll go near 30, but nowhere over that.

Two days in and I’m getting slightly more comfortable though I still fear oncoming cars and not being able to see them when making a turn, so he scolds me for not acting faster and hurrying up the turn. For the stop signs, so many times he’s told me to go right after I come to the stop and then another time when I try to do what he wanted, he’d say that I didn’t stop long enough and to count to three. Oh well. Good enough.

  • Advice of the Day: At a stop, slowly slide out in cruise and once you pass the white line you better start turning the wheel and if no cars add the gas and complete the turn. If there are cars then breaking won’t be a problem since you’re only in cruise.

Lesson 3 Wednesday July 21
I was a lot more relaxed today and he didn’t have to majorly use his break this time around, but he did still keep his foot close or on top ready to break if I didn’t. I’ve got a better handle on the turns and things are going a lot more smoothly this time. With the basics covered, we got around to practicing K turns. Once I made the U turn and he had to tell me that I had to back up first before completing the turn. Next we finally got to the parking and it sure is much easier when there’s no car in the back, because that way I don’t have to worry about backing up too far.

So I basically learned everything I need for the exam, but I still have two more days of this mindless driving around in circles.

  • Advice of the Day: Keep track of how much you turn the wheel so that you know how much it has to turn back before you can go straight again. (When I was making the K turns, I kept losing track and had to wait for the wheel to turn back itself before I would press the gas to go straight.)

Practice 1 Thursday July 22
So today I went to work with my dad to get my left wisdom tooth pulled around one. Once the anesthetic went away, the pain came and this time around I tried so hard to sleep before I would be aware of the pain. It seemed like a smaller tooth on the left and it didn’t hurt as much as the first. Then around four, my dad offered me the chance to drive us home. In order to do that, I sucked up the pain and tried so hard to pretend it wasn’t there, taking deep breaths as I was driving.

My first time on a highway and I was so hesitant to press the gas pedal since I’ve only gone as fast as 25-30 during my lessons. My dad kept telling me to go faster, at least to 55. Scary, but not too bad. I took all my anxiety and pressed down really hard with my left leg and that helped a bit. A big problem though that doesn’t come up in lessons, is keeping to my narrow lane. I kept going over the line or kept leaning too much toward one side. During lessons I have this huge road just for me… Another first was driving on a four lane road, where I had the option of two lanes to drive instead of the usual two lane road where I just had to worry about myself.

Big success today!

  • Advice of the Day: When driving on the highway at high speeds, remember you only need to turn the wheel ever so slightly to keep up with the winding road. Turning too much might result in crossing over the line and the disasters that follow that.
Practice 2 Sunday July 25
My dad asked if I wanted to drive to his workplace and back for practice. Of course, I said yes, despite my fear of highways. I’m still having trouble staying in my lane at the high speeds, where I’ll slightly move the steering wheel, and then I’ll be creeping over the line to the right. This is usually when my dad yells and then I overcorrect and then slowly drift back over the line. Damn. I know those behind me and to the side wish I’d go faster and not drive back and forth in my line, respectively. There was this car to my right on a turn on the highway who I guess honked or something because he was afraid I’d hit his car because I was really close to the line.

Lesson 4 Monday July 26
More of the same, but with more practice on the parking. Today was the first time though that I actually paralleled parked between two cars, as opposed to the usual car in front and nothing in back (because of driveway or hydrant). It was in the midst of a busy street also so I had to wait for cars to pass and had to act fast before more cars came. I made it in on one shot and I’d say it was the cleanest and closest I parked. Probably because of the pressure to get it right and not drive out into traffic again. As soon as I signalled out of the spot there was a car right behind that seemed to want to get in….or was it just letting me out? Hmm.

Well the driving is getting better and I’m keeping a better eye on those reckless pedestrians. Now being on the receiving end of the J-walkers, I know how annoying that could be to drivers… Especially those that walk across the street without even looking for cars. But at least I don’t drive too slow anymore. After being on the highway and feeling that speed, going 20-25 on the streets feels too slow. I also know the feeling of being stuck behind slow drivers, in particular other fellow student drivers.

Advice of the Day: Signal everything! No matter how small a turn it is. For some reason, I kept forgetting today, but at least it’ll stay in my mind in time for the test on Wednesday.

Lesson 5 Tuesday July 27
We practiced a lot of parking today because for some reason, compared to yesterday, the parking I was doing today sucked.

Road Test Wednesday July 28